Gros Morne Mountain; A Guide August 30 2014, 2 Comments

Some would say that the small black diamond over the Gros Morne hiking trail marked difficult would be enough. Others might suggest that the many warnings scattered throughout the pamphlets given out with maps might have hinted about the intensity of the trail. Some might even say that the many signs plastered around the start of the walk, and the inclusion of a decision point (a turn around and give up point) would have brought the possibility of arduousness to the fore of any hikers mind. Still, I was caught by surprise by the magnitude of the hike. It did't help that you cannot actually see the mountain from the start of the hike, but rather a good hour into it. So, for future hikers to ignore, here is a simple step by step guide to the Gros Morne Mountain Trail.


Step 1: Overconfidence



"Black diamond? Pah! This walk will be a piece of cake. Just because I've lead the life of hyperactive root vegetable for the last few years is no reason to worry! I've got my five dollar hiking sandals I found in an op shop, a stick I found on the ground and four litres of water I bought for a dollar. I'm set!" Looking round the carpark I spot other hikers with their five hundred dollar walking boots, their metal hiking sticks, and camel backs filled with water. "Ha! I'll show them. My six dollars worth of gear against their hundreds of dollars of expensive hiking merchandise. We'll see who the real hiker is at the end."


Step 2: Awe



"…. That's a big mountain...."


Step 3: Memory Lapse



Wuh? What's going on? Why am I covered and sweat and panting heavily? Where am I? What is this fog? My legs and lungs appear to be on fire... Is... Is that the top?


Step 4: Premature Celebration



Hurrah! Not really sure what happened there... Must have been a nigh vertical climb.. But we made it! The hard part's over! Thank god because half my water is gone! We're that good we've done half the eight hour walk in two hours!


Step 5: The Calm Before The Storm



Wow everything is so beautiful! Take a photo of that! Ooh, look over there! We should get some photos of us in front of that! Look a cliff! Wow! A fjord! What's that over there!? Oh the path, right. I guess we should knock the rest of this hike over.


Step 6: Delirium



Step. Step. Step. Hahahaha. We must be close. YesYes! We must be! Waterisgone. YesYes! Step. Step. Step. Must... Be... Close... Yesyes...


Step 7: False Hope



The lake! That must connect to the river we crossed at the start! We survived! We can put our aching feet in the water and look for beavers in the lake. Not far at all now! As soon as we round this bend, we'll be home free!


Step 8: Devastation



But... The river... How are we still so high? We've been walking for hours... How are we still... The lake... Was supposed to...


Step 9: The Ninth Wind



Alright! We can do this! The path is almost completely land slide and the decision point is still a speck in the distance, but we can do this!


Step 10: Decision Point Revisited



Is it really worth getting home before dark? Maybe a bear will put me out of my misery...


Step 11: The End



We made it. Brendan stop looking so happy and drive me to somewhere with burgers and beer.


For anyone wondering, I managed to pass the people with the expensive hiking gear at the very beginning of the walk. I would gloat about this fact if this was not at the single easiest point in the walk, if they had not over taken me later, and if they hadn't been around the age of sixty-five.